Coming close to my quarter life milemarker, a strange turn of events (though not totally unexpected) has gotten my mind in a frenzy about an issue that has never really been more than a flicker in my consiousness. Mortality is a vital element that many of us tend to put in the far reaches of our minds, only to spark when specific events bring it about. The most fascinating part about all of it, though, is how those around the sufferer copes. It would seem that the witnesses of this most defining and permanent event in ones life tend to have the hardest time finding the words or the meaning.
In my case, my main thoughts go to how the person in the situation must be feeling. This is a point where they have been given a timeline. At 23, I expect to be on my way out around average life expectancy. The end really isn't a concern of mine at the moment. But staring it in the face, at least to me, would seem like such an impossible task. Those who you love would be coming around, making it all the more real, since they hadn't spent the time they needed in the months or years before. Guilt would be an underlying tone to each visit. Lonliness would be an everpresent shadow, stalking in the corners of the apartment once everyone leaves, its weight crushing your lungs and stopping your heart.
What's worse is that there is such a detatchment from the entire situation. Numb might be the word? How can one be a support for someone who hasn't faced the situation themselves? It is impossible to develop a new or stronger relationship with a person through these times, especially since there wasn't one initially. Explaining why someone isn't around anymore is considerably one of the most difficult tasks a person could undertake.
May your journey be painless and swift. I'm sorry.
You of all people should know that we'll never die. We'll just become the undead and eat our friends brains.
ReplyDeletejk, death scares the shit out of me, but I hope you'd come to visit me on my deathbeddd. :)