Failed Careers In Music: Total Recall (2003-2003)

Of all my endeavours in music, I would say that this was the first band I had an inkling of pride to be in. Of course it all fell to shit, but what hasn't, really? Anyway, in the wake of Virginia Is For Lovers breaking up, I felt the need to play music once again. It was at this time I joined two bands, the first of which was called Total Recall. I believe the band was called Alliance first, then Allegiance, until we finally settled on one of the greatest movies of all time as a band name. Eat your heart out, Kuatto.

Anyway, after being in a band that sounded like a shitty Misfits ripoff and an underoath worship band, it was nice to be in a band that played fast melodic-hardcore stylings. We didn't do anything special. We didn't even have a proper release. But we had fun while it lasted, so I deemed it necessary to write about it.

When the band first started, it was Mikey Hawkins, Tyler Trular, Matt Fisher, Tom Fuquay, and myself. This ragtag bunch got a few songs together and eventually went to record a couple songs in Gainseville with Rob McGregor. These two songs, one of which eventually became a Years From Now song, were later added to a few others to fill out a demo. Here is the track listing;

1. The Tourist Agenda

2. Mend

3. A.D.D.

4. The Children's Crusade

5. Shut Your Mouth (And Sympathize)

6. Photocopy

7. Tractor Man

Tractor Man was written by our monstrous and terrifying friend Derrick (who is currently incarcerated for bank robbery and a handful of other criminal acts).

Eventually, Tyler was out of the band, to which we added Viking Lord Justin Lauer to bang on the skins of men he'd sacrificed for sonic pleasure. This is when we recorded the 5 songs not recorded in the first session.

We played some shows. There was a miniature tour that I did not partake in. We even played a benefit show for our friend Mr. Ladwig who had passed (who VIFL played a reunion at as well). This was the same show Matt "had something in the parking lot" for any outted rapists in the crowd.

Some point after this, I quit being in Total Recall because my friends are racists. Derrick took my place as bass player. Not too long after, Matt decided to move to Richmond, VA, which led to Tom becoming the vocalist, which led to Josh Herrin playing guitar. They played two shows (?) after this, one being a show with Scraps and Heart Attacks, Thieves and Assassins, and Crime In Stereo. This was the same show Tom introduced a new song called "God Lives In Virginia" which never got recorded, which is probably for the best.

Currently, Justin is beardless. Tom is a father. Matt is a soon to be father. Mikey still smells like pesto. Josh is in Korea serving in the military. Derrick is in Virginia, where he is serving time for one of the most ridiculous crime sprees I've ever heard of.

I do have recordings of this band, so once I eventually get around to figuring out the technology, I will upload it for your listening pleasure.

Dreams Are Said To Be The Pathway To Thy True Self; I Fight Cheetahs With Fruit Punch

I don't even think this entry needs an introduction.

So, for some reason, my family had relocated to some tiny country in Africa. Because we had lost all of the conveniences of the United States, we were put into a training class in order to learn how to farm. This included a seminar on irrigaiton. Unforunately, this seminar did not last long enough.

Right as we got into the good stuff, a team made up of a male lion and a cheetah came strolling into the camp, knowing full well that we had no way to arm ourselves against any sort of wild animal attack. So, of course, everyone is in a panic.

This is when I realize my dad is nowhere to be found in the seminar. I realize this because he pulls up in a golf cart and begins to take down the lion bare handed. At some point in our trip, it had escaped my mind that he became a big game wrangler. So, this leaves me to deal with the cheetah.

My only response is to throw something at it. The only thing I have in my hand is the Big Gulp of fruit punch I brought with me from the U.S., so I throw it promptly. This hits the cheetah, and (this is the most realistic part of the dream) this does not deter the ravenous predator from futher advancing. The cheetah pounces.

And once he lands on me, he pulls out, from behind his back, a huge ball of yarn. I try to get up, but the cheetah pins me down and hands me the ball of yarn. Apparently, I am not allowed up because I am forced to play a game of yarn-ball with it.

Then I wake up.