A Proposal Of More Interesting Penalties

Let me start off by saying this; I only support the death penalty in extreme cases. Rape, murder, child molestation, etc. are all crimes that to me are considered most heinous and can never be punished enough. I believe that Hammurabi was onto something with his initial code. With that being said, it is important to understand that there is a major flaw in our current system of capital punishment. The end result is not nearly frightening enough. So, in an attempt to make the death penalty something to be feared, I have but a few options that I will be including in a letter to my state government.

Option 1: R.P.P.R.P.

Here in Florida, we have a space program that billions of dollars are poured into. I find it absurd that there hasn't been a "Rocket Propelled Prisoner Relocation Program" developed. So, here I offer the R.P.P.R.P. This program will give the prisoner two separate options; either be fired into the sun, or fired to the furthest reaches of our solar system. I find this to be the finest solution I have to offer.

Option 2: The Prank Chair

The timeless form of capital punishment might be the electric chair, but there is no romanticism about it. This option gives the prisoner more of a guessing game when it comes time. The switch would operate on an entirely random rotation that would have a faulty switch. This would be like a psych-out that everyone would have a good laugh about. Gotcha!

Option 3: Thunderdome

This could be called a number of things (I find that Thunderdome has more of an effect than Mortal Kombat, etc.). This is exactly how it sounds; pit the prisoner against someone with a much higher skill set, so that the prisoner is at a great disadvantage. Provide the prisoner with no weapons and let them have at it. If the prisoner survives, they get a plaque or trophy of some sort. Maybe a mug that says "World's Greatest Thunderdomer."

Option 4: Story Time

This might be the worst of the three options. In this option, the prisoner is forced to read novel after novel of rather terrible authors. Danielle Steele, Janet Evanovich, Tom Patterson, and an assortment of other mediocre at best authors will offer their titles personally to these prisoners, and ask for a book report upon completion. This would be a life sentence. An alternative option would be having to watch episodes of Sally Jesse Raphael and Oprah in succession.

In the end, I find that these options are far more interesting and give a much greater incentive to keep from committing violent crimes. I will begin taking signatures for the petition I will be sending to the state as an initial proposal that will hopefully move on to larger government bodies. Thank you in advance.

Failed Careers In Music: A Game Of You (2002 - 2006)

There is something to be said about Converge and Botch. These two bands have had such an insane influence on technical hardcore and heavy music in general that there are almost no other bands that can bear the name "Pioneer." Just like hundreds of other bands, A Game Of You felt that heavy influence, and it is apparent in the final recording we did.

The first time I saw A Game Of You, I had just joined Virginia Is For Lovers. Watching AGOY at the time was like watching a madman screaming at a ragtag bunch of musicians without any sort of compassion or remorse. I remember being afraid of Steve, but thinking the bass player then looked like a total bozo. So, AGOY played a few shows before I had heard they kicked out the drummer, guitar player, and bass player during that time (keep in mind that once I had joined the band, I had jammed with 2 separate drummers and 4 guitar players). So came my attempt at joining the band.

Since the band was based out of Orlando, I had to ride out to O-town with Steve, who I had met once, just to try out for the band. Imagine the most awkward drive ever. This was more awkward. I'm pretty sure Steve wanted me dead (though later he got me into some of the greatest music ever). So, this tryout took place in an empty bedroom and Steve and Andrew's moms house. I made the band. So, the lineup when I joined was Steve LaCour, Andrew LaCour, Taylor Nathe, and I believe a kid named Junior? (Andrew/Steve, correct me if I'm wrong).

Then came my first show with the band. By this time, Junior was out, and Eric was in. This first show, however, was a good 13 hour drive away in Richmond, VA. I didn't mind since we got to play with Cursed in a living room. The drive up, however, was like some twisted circle of hell. We didn't have a van, so we rented a minivan, which did not fit half of our equipment, not to mention the 7 people that had to get there. This meant there were no backseats. For 13 hours. The trip ended up being awesome, though.

Once we got back, the lineup changed not too long after. Taylor was out, and Josh was in. At some point, Eric was out, and Ken was in. We played Tallahassee with our good friends in youTragedy. We played the first This Is For You Fest (in which we covered Coalesce's You Can't Kill Us All). Sometime soon afterwards, Ken was out. At this point, we remained a 4 piece for quite awhile.

It wasn't for a few months that Brad joined the band. This is when we started writing the only good music we wrote. With the lineup being Steve, Andrew, Josh, Brad, and myself, we recorded Demo 2005. Here is the tracklisting;

1. The Flood Year

2. Glorious Weapon

3. Dorian Gray

4. These Days Get Colder

At some point, we played the second and third This Is For You Fests, did a short tour with Dead To Fall (everything I eat tastes like pizza), and played some random shows. It was after this point where we decided that it was about time to call it quits. We played our final show (which was ridiculous). There was sweat. There was blood. There were shirts ripped and ear drums blasted. And I couldn't have had a better time.

Today, Steve is playing bass and ripping off faces in the band Trap Them. Andrew and Josh are playing in a band called Khann, which is also ripping off faces. Brad is playing in a band (although I am not sure what they are called). I haven't spoken to Ken or Eric in a few years, so I'm sure they are doing well. And I see Taylor every now and again at good punk rock shows. Other than that, the end was rather quiet, and the few fans we had have long forgotten about us by now.

If anyone has a copy of Demo 2005, please get to me as soon as possible. I'd like to upload it if possible. There are other recordings, so maybe I'll post a discography if I can.

God Bless You, Mr. Vonnegut

There are very few authors deserving of the "Greatest Author In The World" title. I hold a select few close to my heart. Bret Easton Ellis, Tom Robbins, Charles Bukowski, and William S. Burroughs are but a few. And of course there are a few books that have completely destroyed my entire world view. Here is where I insert American Psycho, Fight Club, The Heart Is Deceitful Above All Things, Women, and House of Leaves. But there is not a being in the UNIVERSE that has fueled my endless quest for literature such as the one and only Kurt Vonnegut.

During a time where English teachers believed that books like The Poisonwood Bible and The Things They Carried were masterpieces that high schoolers would be interested in, my senior year English teacher Mr. Brown gave me a list of required readings (which I kept because of the amazing pieces included in it). Having to choose between 1984, Jitterbug Perfume, When I Was Five I Killed Myself, and Slaughterhouse Five, I took a chance and chose the latter.

It was this single, random choice that sprung me back into the world of literature. With his dark sense of humor, his complete understanding of science fiction, and his affinity for social satire, Mr. Vonnegut truly mastered a form that did not come off as pretentious, overly intelligent, or childish. It was perfect. And had it not been for this man, it would have taken me much longer to start reading again.

So, thank you, Mr. Vonnegut. You have shown the world that it is OK to laugh at yourself. And you have shown us that it doesn't take a lifetime of hard living to kill us. And you have shown me that amazing literature isn't about how well you use multi syllabic words, but how well you can connect with the person reading it. It is about telling a great story that a person will never forget. It is all about us.

"I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, 'If this isn't nice, I don't know what is.'"

So it goes.