A Brief And Eye-Opening Lesson On The Art Of The Compliment Burn

There is no other burn like the compliment burn, plain and simple. I could spend days, months, and years coming up with ways to destroy an ego, or to minimize self esteem in any number of people. Negativity is almost always a give in. There is no real art to it, however. Normal "burns" tend to be instinctual, and almost automatic, rather than thoughtful and clever. Sure, telling someone they smell worse than John Candy's socks after filming Planes, Trains, and Automobiles isn't bad, but it took me longer to type that than to think of it, which is saying alot.

This is why the compliment burn is such an important and lost art in the happiness crushing daily conversation.

Of course, this cannot come as a constant tool in use. Compliment burns only work if they are sparse, much like the sprinkling of chocolate chips on the best negative-asshole cake you've ever had. The cake is so sweet, and it really hits the confidence crushing spot, but that little bit of cake is nothing compared to the bit of chocolate you find every now and then.

So, what is a compliment burn? Well, rather than the John Candy remark, one would follow through with "you smell better than a house full of roses." But, it isn't this simple. Following the path of the Boomarang burn, the Compliment burn has to be preceded by any sort of negative burn. So, if someone tells you "I hope you die," your follow up would be "I hope you life a long and prosperous life." This is just a simple example.

Then next time a negative nancy comes your way, and tells you to fuck off, a "have a nice day" will work much better, because it will not only confuse his primate brain, but will also trigger a great deal of anger that he will not understand. It will create a black hole of depression in the man's soul, and eventually will cripple him emotionally. And if you believe in Kharma and the Golden Rule, this will fit right into your arsenal of tools that will get you into that next life as a bird, or whatever.

So, I hope you all have a nice day. You all deserve it.